I Am Not A Playboy
by Princess Unity
Summary: The Team (minus Babs and Dick) are having a game of Truth or Dare, but when Jason dares each girl on the team to kiss the Golden Boy of Gotham for thirty seconds in the middle of a Wayne Gala... well, let Dick tell us about that. Between Season 1 and 2, only new members: Bumblebee and Mal, enjoy!


**One-shot. I have got nothing interesting to say, soo... yep. Enjoy! (:**

 **DISCLAIMER: don't own, you know the drill**

I smiled. And smiled. And smiled. And SMILED UNTIL MY FACE FELT LIKE IT WOULD FALL OFF. This is why I don't like social events. They hurt my face.

And a lot of other reasons. Like, sometimes I smile until it hurts, but it's because it's something worth smiling about.

Galas are not worth smiling about.

EVER.

I honestly have a very small idea what this one's for, probably some charity ball, but either way its eight thirty and I've been fake smiling since six. And two more hours to go, darn it.

I glance over at Bruce, who was sitting extravagantly on a bench, a blond to his left and a brunette to his right. I almost laugh at the absurdity. I mean, my dad's a pretty good actor, but really? How hasn't anyone looked past his "man-candy" (I'd never call him that, ew, gross, but I'd heard it more than once by others) and actually looked into his ice blue eyes? They're distant, cold, calculating, and often even slight disgusted.

And then there is me.

I am his son, adopted or not, and I don't have it much better. Being a super-hero gives one an insane build and an air of confidence that ladies can't help but love. Luckily though, I won't go to such great length as Bruce to stay so opposite of my Alter Ego. Thus, I am not yet deemed "Playboy," although I wouldn't be surprised if the title "Heartthrob" evolves into it in a few years.

Hopefully for now, at age sixteen, I'm safe, despite being above mentioned "Heartthrob." It was honestly harder for Bruce, because he wasn't a sociable person at all, but I have good amount of what Jason dubs "Social Butterfly" in me, allowing these tedious hours to be… tedious, not deadly.

"Hello, you are Richard, yes?" I turned, a billionaire smile pressed into my pained face to see a blonde, tall, with green eyes smiling at me.

"Yes, hello." Curse my amazing acting, I honestly fooled Bruce sometimes. I gracefully bowed over her hand and placed a soft kiss on it. "What's your name, Ma'am?"

"I'm Jess. You know, from the movies?"

"Oh, yes! I apologize for not recognizing you, Miss Jess." I had no idea what she was talking about, but eight years of practice has its benefits.

"You are adorable." She giggled. I took this as a cue and courteously held out my arm, which she took eagerly but with poise. "I often don't feel I belong with you elites." She confessed as I led her to the table of delicate snacks.

"And why is that, may I ask?" I could feel jealous glares being directed at Jess, although why people liked me so much I'll never understand…

"Because, I just starred in a couple movies and had some singing lessons and then I am put in file with all of you… elite people, I'm really just a lucky girl."

"Need not worry, Miss Jess, I was just lucky to be here as well. Everyone in here was just lucky, really. Born into money or blessed with a mind to make it." I smiled, and Jess sighed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. So you? Mind or Matter?" it was technically not a rude statement, but with elites you have a ridiculous list of rules, and if she'd said that to pretty much anyone else in the room, they would've been pretty offended.

But she asked me, so I answered. "Neither, it has blown over by now, most have forgotten, but Bruce Wayne adopted me. Thus, I neither need make the money and I wasn't technically born into this class."

"Ah, I see. I suppose I'm the mind to make it?" I smiled at her inquiry.

"You're getting it now."

"HEY! DICK!" Suddenly a read head grabbed my shoulder, doubling over and breathing hard. Jess's eyes widened and she glared at the girl in a look that had potential, by that I mean it could possibly have the ability to evolve into a Bat-Glare.

"That was rude." She growled at the girl.

"Huh?" Said girl straightened. "Why?"

"You… you called him a...! That is very rude!"

"What?" Her brown eyes widened. "No! No, I'm sorry, but I'm Barbara Gordon, this… I call him Dick, with a capital 'D.'" Babs gave one of those smiles, kinda goofy but not… goofy.

Jess glared at her, but I decided to intrude. "Miss Jess, meet Miss Barbara Gordon. She and I have been friends for years. My nickname to some is Dick, sorry for the confusion."

Jess glared at me, then Babs, then me again. "So you're just like your dad, aren't you?" she ripped her arm out of mine. Yeah, she was kind of right, she needed to work on her elite manners, because most elites if angered would make it a lot worse while in the meantime being undyingly polite.

"Whatever do you mean, Miss Jess?" My eyes widened, and she glared at me sharply, kind of out of it as her eyes stared at mine for a minute before she shook herself.

"You playboy!" She snarled, her hands balling in fists.

Barbara started laughing. And since I know the ginger only too well, I knew she couldn't help herself. "Y-you think Dick… and I?" she scoffed. "NO! And knowing Dicky he wasn't even flirting with you, people just can't help but fall in love with his billionaire charm!"

Jess stared at Babs, flabbergasted for a minute before turning to me. "You mean…"

"No, I am sorry that you were misled, but I have never had a romantic relationship with Barbara. Nor anything serious with any other girl." I sounded like Kaldur being so polite and stoic, but you now… day-life masks. Everyone thinks Bruce is brilliant businessman, playboy, charmer Prince of Gotham. And everyone thinks I am brilliant mathlete, unfailingly polite, charmer Golden Boy of Gotham.

So people can't match the face to the mask.

I should put that one in my book of quotes.

Anyway, Jess blushed madly. "I-I am terribly sorry, Richard," Barbara snorted, he'd always been Dick to her, "I've been told I need to jump to conclusions less." She cracked a wean smile.

"It's quite alright, Miss Jess. Anyway, as I said, this is Barbara."

Barbara quickly regained her semi-elite composure, as she really wasn't in the rich crowd, but her dad was an important man often invited to parties like this, and always Wayne parties, thanks to my friendship with Barbara.

"I apologize for the rude interruption, I just missed Dicky so much while he was in Tokyo, and then he had so much billionaire-stuff to do that I haven't seen him in two weeks! I was just excited and forgot that this is a fancy party." Babs smiled apologetically.

"Hello, I'm Jess." The blond blushed also, fully aware her outburst hadn't exactly been setting appropriate either.

Barbara nodded, and I gave a little ehem before offering the two some miniature pastries Alfred had made. They giggled, enjoying the little lemon delights, because Alfred made them, so who couldn't love them? Each had an arm hooked through one of mine, and I was seriously considering just screaming "DEEM ME FALSLY A PLAYBOY ALREADY!" to the coyly watching press.

Five minutes later and Barbara and Jess were already having it in giggles and stories. "So then, he had the _amazing_ idea that if the kitchen was already on fire, why shouldn't he light the dreaded tux on fire, so out went the three hundred dollar suit, black pants, red shirt, silver tie, gone! And when Alfred got home he simply stated, 'I'm not mending that.' And left! Dick had to clean the whole kitchen by himself, and let's just say he never tried to see what would happen if he put a trail of gasoline leading to tennis balls again!" Barbara was chattering on about the "Kitchen Incident" I'd had when I was ten, and Jess couldn't stop laughing.

"That's hilarious! He's simply adorable!"

"Yes, he is, and you haven't even heard the half of it," Barbara had that evil look in her eye that made me want to face-palm, but it's kind of hard when two girls were hanging off each arm… no, that's not playboyish at all… it's just, I had that little crush for Zee a few years back, but honestly I'm only sixteen! Sure, a few dates here and there, but my priorities are not girls right now, maybe in a few years.

Gee, the press would _definitely_ believe that. Better said: the press definitely would not _want_ to believe that.

Anyway, we strode to the back wall where we sat in some chairs, it was much more interesting now that Babs was there, but still Galas are Galas and boredom was still straining on my mind and my progressively more cramped face. I swear- they say that if you frown too much your face will get stuck that way, and if that's true so does smiling, so does that mean I'll be smiling my whole life? Please no, please… I honestly am feeling a little sympathy for Joker right now…

I was starting to almost drift off when suddenly through the front door of the ballroom came stomping a tall blonde screaming, "Golden Boy!"

This woke me up immediately. "Artemis?" why was she here? And why did she look so… ticked? After her came Megan, Caucasian right now, then Zee, followed by Raquel and Karen. They all looked extremely, as I said, ticked. Well, Artemis mostly, Zee was smug, Megan was blushing furiously, Karen looked slightly confused, and Raquel was annoyed.

Everyone in the party turned to the interruption. Artemis stomped right up to me, fuming. I was confused as to why, I mean, I haven't pranked anyone in a month! Well… ehem. She grabbed my red tie, tugging me unceremoniously to my feet. We were face to face, and that's when I heard a curse and then, "Jason!"

Then she tugged the tie harder and kissed. I was so surprised I thought I'd melt on the spot. I tried to pull away, but she just yanked my tie harder.

"Time!" Zee said. Artemis pulled away, dropping my tie.

"Arty?!" I yelped. What was _that_?

"Sorry, Golden Boy." The archer shrugged and walked off.

"Hey, Buy Blunder." Zatanna whispered in my ear, I turned my head sharply to ask what in the world had just happened, but instead her hands held my head in place and kissed. I thought I was going to die.

"Done!" Karen tapped her phone.

"What in the- Miss!" Everyone knew I knew Artemis, but my civilian persona had no knowledge of any other on the team. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry, Dick." Megan smiled sweetly before leaning in. What was she- oh! Her telekinesis held me rooted to the spot as she kissed before Karen once again stated, "Time!"

Megan smiled, albeit blushing, and followed after Artemis. I hoped Raquel would have a voice of reason and tell me what was going on- "Mmph!" never mind.

"Time! And don't you dare leave me, Raquel!" Then the pretty brunette leaned in and locked.

"Okay, Karen, time."

"Okay, cursed Truth or Dare…" Karen along with Raquel growled barely loud enough for me to hear.

Then the girls turn tail and left, but not before I ran up and grabbed Zee's shoulder. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"

She glared at me coyly. "Ask your little brother." Then she laughed and all the girls left.

I stared at the door in horror, before I heard obnoxious laughter behind me. I turned to see Babs and Jess hysterically doubled over.

"You should o' seen the look on your face!" Jess giggled.

"Ohmigoodness gracious! This is prime blackmail material!" Barbara was wiping her eyes. The rest of the party was silent in shock.

"I AM NOT A PLAYBOY!" I screamed at the press, who were spurring into action. Then I stomped away. And I thought galas were boring.

I hid in my room, mumbling and groaning. What was that about?! I have a feeling it was Jason's fault somehow…

"Dick?" I lifted my head to see Cass in the doorway, black hair awry as she stared at me with big honey colored eyes.

"Yes, Cass?"

"Happened?"

"I don't know!" I shoved my face back in the pillow. Cass was suppose to be asleep. "Either way I am going to kill that little jerk…"

Cass climbed onto the bed beside me. She stroked my hair in what she hoped was a calming gesture.

I vented for another five minutes before getting changed and curling under the duvet. Surely Bruce will let me out of this one, right?

Doesn't really matter, because I had my alarm set so I could go demand answers of Jay when he returned…

* * *

MEANWHILE…

"Oh my gosh! That was amazing!" Robin rolled on the floor, the news droning in the background.

"Jay, that was great!" Wally gave the younger, darker red a high-five.

"Even if your girlfriend just kissed the Golden Boy of Gotham?" Mal smirked, thinking he'd won. Instead, there was only more laughing fits.

See, Jason obviously knew Nightwing's identity, and the rest of the original Team members did, only the two newbies didn't, aka Karen and Mal.

Superboy rolled his eyes just when the Zeta announced the girls' return.

"Full thirty seconds each?" Jason grinned with an unadded "With my brother?"

"Yes, Boy Blunder." Artemis grumbled, sitting by KF.

"That was beautiful!" The bird hit his chest in mock drama.

"Suck it up, plus, he's still a good kisser…" Zatanna smirked.

"What?" Karen snapped. "You've kissed him before?"

"Uh… no."

"You're a terrible liar."

Zee smiled. "Alright, then. Truth, or Dare?"

Karen rolled her eyes. "Dare, obviously."

"Alright, I dare you to go stick your head in the pool for thirty seconds and then not dry off."

Karen grumbled but got up, everyone following, minus a certain bird and a certain speedster.

"He's going to kill you isn't he?"

"Yep." Jason popped the "P" before prancing out of the room.

 **Hoped you enjoyed. Please review. You guys are great. Peace out.**

 **~Universe**


End file.
